Gone but not forgotten.

Saturday was a day that we have anticipated for some time now, but not in this way. Heather's mom past away today.

Brenda struggled with numerous health problems throughout the past few years. She's been on oxygen for a few years and her health was slowly getting worse. About a year and a half ago, Brenda's doctor told her that she should probably spend as much time with her grandchildren as possible due to her health, so she moved to Urbana and was living in the senior housing apartments. Brenda had an awful addition to smoking and just could not break the habit. Slowly but surely, the cigarettes were eating away at her lungs.

On Saturday afternoon, Heather and the girls decided to go and get ice cream and then go and visit Brenda. When Heather got closer to Brenda's apartment she started to hear sirens, then she noticed that her mom's apartment was on fire. The Urbana Fire Department responded very quickly and had a hard time getting into her apartment. They finally got Brenda pulled out of the fire and began preforming CPR on her. She was taken by ambulance to St. Luke's hospital in Cedar Rapids and continued CPR for 60 minutes. After numerous defibrillator charges, Brenda finally got a pulse, but was not breathing on her own. It is not known how the fire started at this point, but the doctor said that one of her oxygen tanks combusted.

Heather's family and friends from Illinois drove down and met us at the hospital. The doctor told us that she was not breathing on her own, had a very weak pulse and was probably not going to make it through the evening. Brenda was not burned at all, but did inhale a large amount of smoke which was not good for her already weak lungs. It was also discovered that Brenda suffered a heart attack during the fire. The doctor allowed us to keep her alive so that everyone could say their "goodbyes" and then Heather, with the support of everyone, had to let her mother go be with God.

Brenda was always good for a laugh, a debate and even a good sounding board. It had been painful for Heather and I to watch her health worsen throughout the past few years. Heather and I often times got frustrated with, what we believed, was Brenda's lack of effort to take care of herself, but have come to realize that she just couldn't do it anymore. Brenda had a lot of love for our family and was always very gracious for the help we gave her, whether it be financial or physical. She was very proud of Heather and all of her accomplishments. She loved her grandchildren very much, as they reciprocated that love to her. Brenda did a lot for us with the very little that she had. She always volunteered to watch the girls so that Heather and I could have dates. She always tried to make the holidays special for the girls.

Heather lost her 30 year partner in life last night. I know that I cannot fill that void, but also will not try to. We sat around and shared humerus stories about Brenda this evening, because that's how we choose to remember her. Whether it be her sailor type mouth, her cartoon dog laugh or her flower print shirts and cotton shorts, that's the memories we choose to keep.

We can rest easy tonight knowing that Brenda is in heaven, no longer hooked up to her oxygen tanks and probably drinking a Coke.

It will take some time to heal. We love you Brenda and you are missed but never will be forgotten.