Why Micheala makes me cry

I apologize to all of you that read my weekly blogs because lately, it seems to be more of a sounding board for me. I have come to realize that I have finally reached the point of insanity. I find myself asking God, "Can I just get a break?". This year has been full of turbulance beginning with the passing of my mother in law, followed up by the flood of 2008 and finally Micheala's recent happenings. I know that I don't have it as bad as some; at least I have a supportive family, a place to live and food to eat. Our family was in a good place a year ago, easy street if you may, and now things aren't that easy.

I think it's common for parents of multiple children to worry about if they can give each one of their kids the same amount of love. I know that I had this concern, mostly because Dylanne and I had such a great bond right off the bat. But then comes Micheala and all of my concerns were put to rest.

Micheala and I have personalities that mesh real well. As a matter of fact, we hear a lot of our friends tell us that we are 2 peas in a pod. Micheala and I both like to goof around quite a bit and that seems to anger both Heather and Dylanne. Micheala likes to sing and dance. She loves fishing and the outdoors. She loves to wrestle around and cheer on the Hawkeyes. Sounds like I'm describing myself, doesn't it?

When Dylanne started preschool, it was just Micheala and myself home in the mornings. Sometimes we played, sometimes we took a nap and sometimes we just sat and watched cartoons. My alone time with Micheala in the morning would be over this year because she will start preschool herself this coming year. I really am not ready to let her go, but she has worked so hard to finally go poop on the potty and knew that with that accomplishment she could go to preschool. She's very excited to go, that's why Heather and I don't have the heart to tell her she might not be able to go this year with the surgery coming up.

Last night I had reached a point in which I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was very exhausted both mentally and physically and with my cranky attitude, I didn't want to offend anyone. After verbally blasting off on everyone in my path, I decided to put my PJ's on and go to bed. It was only 8:30 and those of you that know my sleeping pattern, this is very early for me.

At about 8:45, the bedroom door opens. It's Micheala. She walks to the end of the bed and sees that I'm still awake. She then proceeds to crawl into bed and lay right next to me. She doesn't say a word to me, nor did I ask her to come up and lay with me. She gets under the covers with me and snuggles up close to me. Still not saying a word, she places her hand on my back and starts rubbing it up and down in a soothing manner. About 10 minutes later, we were both asleep.

I've thought about this all day and have been quite emotional about the whole situation. Here I am, a 31 year old father of two, that has reached a breaking point. With all of the feelings of stress and hopelessness on my mind, in walks a 3 year old girl, and without saying a word, told me everything was going to be alright.

I know that Micheala will make it through whatever treatments she needs to without any problems; it just makes me sad to knowing that she has to go through all of this. It makes me proud to know that I am partially responsible for all of the strength that she will have while going through her surgery. I am proud to call myself the father of a pretty special little 3 year old girl.